Kundalini is not a pasta dish!

My Kundalini experience emerged from a change in how I relate to my brain. I had just been accepted into a Masters program, although I struggled with adult ADD and had an awful time focusing my attention when attempting to read. While looking for ways to help myself in this dilemma I stumbled upon binaural recordings, specifically a low beta recording designed to increase focus. I immediately found myself able to keep my mind stayed on the words in front of me without drifting off to other thoughts. Prior to this experience I was so identified as my mind that never considered that it was an instrument that I held the power to direct. This led me to explore other recordings that could enhance my life experience. I came across one called “Awakening the Kundalini” by Kelly Howell and dove right in. Little did I know that the outcome was about to change the entire course of my life. I did the meditation and breathing exercises and found myself caught up in an expansive sense of orgasmic pleasure and oneness with all that is.  My world broke open to an inner expanse I had only tasted in the past through much prayer and silence.

This experience did not simply fade away but the next year was filled with a sense of awe, bliss and at times terror as the source energies collided with the fears of my rigid religious background.  I had spent most of my adult life as a devoted Evangelical/Pentecostal. I had been a street preacher, intercessor and missionary to Central Asian Muslims.  This experience was the exact thing I had warned others about. I had considered it to be a satanic deception and I was now immersed in its power. I felt this energy in my groin almost continually for the first year as if a small electric motor had been implanted there. I would often awaken in the morning with a sense of bliss, as if I was seeing the beauty around me for the first time.  At other times I would be gripped by an existential fear of damnation from my religious training and what I now know, was my ego’s terror of being found a fraud. The genuineness of the bliss and the taste of liberation drove me to cooperate with this energy rather than fight it.

This cooperation eventually led to a more stable relationship with this divine energy in my life. I studied the roots of my experience in Hinduism and mystical traditions from all religions and was particularly drawn to Advaita/Vedanta. I have explored many practices that enhanced my life and let them go when it was time to move on. These have included traditional chakra mediation, ecstatic dance, sacred sound mediations and tantric practices focused on the divine feminine. I will be forever grateful for this divine power that put me on the path of self-inquiry.